Sailor Lunatic: The Wisdom of Rok
by Michelle Riddle1
Summary: This is the first episode of Sailor Lunatic and the Sailor Whatsits. It's a take off of Sailor Moon. Hope u enjoy!


Here's the first story of Lo0n and the Whatsits! Hope you like it, tell your friends!!!!   
  
The Wisdom of Rok   
  
An extremely hyper and some-what… well… we'll say "different" teenage girl named Leigh was walking down a sidewalk trimmed with flowers on her way to school on a bright sunny morning. She was tall, about 5'10, had bright green eyes, and long blonde hair reaching about mid-thigh. She was dressed in well fitting tie-dyed spaghetti strap shirt and a tight shocking purple pair of Capri pants. She was wearing one pink and one yellow sock and blue tennis shoes with about 3 inch high soles. From her startling appearance, one could only assume that she enjoyed attracting attention.  
Anyhoo, she was walking happily along when suddenly she heard a strange voice from the ground speak out to her.  
"Hey! Pick me up!" said the voice.  
Leigh looked about her puzzled and skimmed the ground with her eyes.  
"Here! Here I am!"  
Leigh's eyes focused on a rock. It was a little bigger then the size of her fist and had strange markings on the larger side of it. The markings looked oddly like a face. She bent down and picked up the rock and held it up so she could see it more clearly.  
"Did u speak to me?" asked Leigh to the rock as if inanimate objects spoke to her everyday.  
"Yes—"  
"No!" shouted Leigh. Several people were now staring at the strange girl who was apparently talking to a rock. "There are spies every where! Wouldn't they just love to hear what we're saying…" said Leigh with slanted eyes. She held the rock up to her ear, so only she could her it's words.  
"Leigh, you are no ordinary girl, you are Sailor Lunatic! It is your destiny to lead the team of Sailor Whatsits in the never ending battle to save the world from destruction and eeeeevil!"  
"Cool!" she responded. "Sailor Lunatic, huh? Like that Sailor Moon show?"  
"No, of course not! This is much different from Sailor moon…"  
Leigh brought the rock away from her ear and held it in front of her once more. "Well, if we're gonna be friends, u need a name. I think I'll call u… Rok, my pet rock!  
Rok smiled, approving of his new name. "I have been watching u from my space on the lawn for many years now, I have chosen this time to reveal your secret identity to u because the world is in now grave peril. King Barrel has risen to power in a reclusive place that u will never find. Evil music plays in the background He is a super eeeeevil villain whose treacherously wicked plot is to rob the world of its supply of bananas. King Barrel is planning to suck the potassium and energy out of the bananas and use it to complete the construction of his super deluxe mega ultra superior expensive laser destructo ray. With this, he can…dun dunn dunnnnn take over the world!"  
"King Barrel will not stand a chance!" exclaimed Leigh, accepting every word without a trace of doubt.  
"Now, we must go to your school. In the halls lurk the five remaining sailor Whatsits, Sailor Obvious, Sailor Airhead, Sailor Random, Sailor Contradiction, and Sailor Cynic. U will discover their true identity by holding me directly in front of their faces. If I glow, then u will know they are a Whatsit.  
"Right," answered Leigh, with a look of determination.  
They set off for the rest of the journey (well, it was about 20 feet) to school. When they arrived, Leigh immediately rushed up to the first person she saw and shoved Rok in her face.  
He's not glowing, Leigh thought. "You're obviously not a Whatsit," She said to the startled girl and walked away before she could respond.  
It went on like that for about five more minutes and seven more girls. Leigh was starting to feel discouraged when she walked up to a girl with short blonde hair in meatball style. Leigh shoved Rok in her face and he immediately began to glow. Light poured from Rok and the sound of a choir singing the Alleluia Chorus could be heard very faintly. Leigh held rock up to her ear for instructions.  
"She is Sailor Obvious, the first of your Whatsit team."  
Leigh turned to the girl. "You are Sailor Obvious, and are destined to join the Sailor Whatsit team and help save the world from King Barrel's evil plots."  
"When I woke up this morning, I could have sworn I was Kali, not Sailor Obvious," replied the girl. (Kali)  
"You're both. Sailor Obvious is your secret identity. I am Leigh, Sailor Lunatic, head of the Sailor Whatsits. This is Rok, my pet rock who gives me instructions," said Leigh, indicating Rok in her hand.  
"Um…" replied Kali.  
"Come on! We have work to do!" said Leigh, grabbing Kali's wrist and dragging her along. "We must find the four remaining Whatsits."  
Kali spotted a ditzy looking girl talking animatedly amongst a group or equally ditzy looking girls. "What about her?" asked Kali, pointing.  
"Worth a shot," responded Leigh.  
They pushed their way through the group of bottle blondes until the got to the natural blonde; the girl Hail had spotted with her built in Ray of the Obvious. Leigh yet again, shoved Rok in her face.  
"Ewww!" shouted the girl. "That's like dirty!"  
Rok began to glow.  
"Whoa…" muttered both Michelle and the new girl, staring at Rok. "Shiny!"  
"Snap out of it!" shouted Kali. "Class starts soon."  
Leigh snapped out of her daze and listened while Rok told her that this was Sailor Airhead. She went through the whole "You are a Sailor" blah, blah, blah scene.  
"Dddddude!" said the girl, still mesmerized by Rok. "Can I like, save the world from, like bad hair days and stuff?" she asked hopefully.  
"Uh, sure," responded Leigh doubtfully.  
"Groovy!" she responded. "My name's Crissy, by the way."  
They continued their quest to find the rest of the Sailor Whatsits. Leigh singled out two girls who were talking seriously to each other. Before they knew it, they were staring in the lop-sided smiley face of Rok. For the third time that day, Rok glowed.  
"What was that Rok?" asked Leigh as she held him up to her ear. "Sailor Random and Sailor Contradiction? Okay."  
"You are Sailor Random," said Leigh, pointing to the girl on the left. "And Sailor Contradiction," she pointed to the other girl. "You will join the Sailor Whatsits team and help save the world!"  
"I don't think there's any way that's possible, although it might be…" said Contradiction.  
There was a short silence. It was punctured by a random comment from the other girl.  
"I am Triesta and this is Dee," she said suddenly.  
"Pleased to meet u," said Leigh. The rest of the introductions were made quickly. "Well, you both are Sailor Whatsits so you must join us. There still is one more Sailor to find."  
The growing group of girls made their way down the crowded hall. Michelle was idly thinking about green snowflakes when she bumped into a girl with long black hair tied by in a loose ponytail.  
"Watch where you're going," growled the girl. "No one likes me because I fight so much. U wanna make something of it?" she asked angrily.  
In response, Leigh shoved Rok in her face. To everyone's surprise, he began to glow.  
"Which Sailor is she?" Leigh asked Rok, "Sailor grouchy?"  
"This isn't Snow White and the seven dwarfs," responded Rok. "She is Sailor Cynic."  
Leigh relayed this information to the girl.  
"Sailor Cynic. Has a nice ring to it. I guess I'll join your little gang."  
"We're not really a gang," replied Leigh. "We are the team of Sailor Whatsits, lead by Me, Sailor Lunatic."  
"What ever," muttered Cynic.  
"What's your name?" asked Crissy brightly, undaunted by the girl's tough demeanor. (This wasn't an act of bravery, more of an act of not knowing any better.)  
"Cera" she responded.  
The P.A system clicked on and the principal's voice could be heard, giving the morning announcements.  
"NO! Not those voices again!" shouted Leigh, grabbing her head and dropping to her knees.  
"Chill out, Lunatic. It's just the P.A system," said Kali, pulling Leigh to her feet.  
"You never know, they can be so sneaky," she said darkly. The rest of the team decided it best to not question exactly who was so sneaky. They figured she was called Sailor Lunatic for a good reason.  
A short while later, the bell sounded, beginning the morning's classes.  
"Let's meet in the front entrance of the cafeteria at lunch." Leigh said. "We have lots to talk about."  
The rest of the group voiced their agreements and headed in their separate ways.  
As Leigh leisured off to her next class, she saw an odd looking boy walking her way. He was dressed in a white tee shirt that had a huge bright red question mark in the center of it and equally bright baggy Hawaiian Shorts. They caught each other's eye as they walked pass. The boy kept watching Leigh after they got out of comfortable sight range. Unfortunately, the boy forgot to quit walking, so he slammed into the wall, still gazing at Leigh. She heard the crash and turned around quickly and hurried over to the strange boy.  
"Are you alright?" asked Leigh, handing him a tissue for his bloody nose.  
"I fink doe," responded the boy in a pinched voice.  
"My name's Leigh," she said offering the boy her hand.  
The boy stared at her for a moment, as if he didn't know what to say. "I'm Mamoo," he said after a while. "It's a Japanese name," he added, knowingly.  
"How very…er… cultured. Well, I'll see you around Mamoo. Watch out for the wall next time."  
She walked down the hall towards her class. A second before she walked through the door Mamoo called out.  
"You want to see a movie some time?"  
But she didn't hear him, though; her teacher was already chewing her out for her tardiness.  
^*^  
After the morning classes had finished, the Sailor Whatsits met in front of the cafeteria as planned. Crissy was twirling a strand of her blonde hair around her finger. Triesta was arguing with a boy she had randomly picked out. Cera was glaring daggers at a freshman girl who she thought was looking at her funny. They were all waiting for Leigh to show up.  
"She's obviously late," voiced Kali.  
"I don't think she'll ever get here, although she might," added Dee.  
Finally, Leigh came bursting through the halls and skidded to a stop in front of the gathered Sailor Whatsits.  
"Sorry… I'm…late," she panted. "Teacher…bell…oh never mind." Leigh leaned against the wall and caught her breath.  
Suddenly Triesta turned around. "Let's go eat," she said, "I'm tired of talking to this boy."  
So they walked away, leaving the confused boy behind. The group of girls chose a table right smack in the middle of the cafeteria. Leigh noticed Mamoo sitting in a table next to them staring at a pack of crackers. After examining them he gingerly took a bite.  
They sat down and immediately began discussing their new "situation." Leigh told the girls every thing that Rok had told her about King Barrel and their destiny.  
"This is kind of hard to swallow," said Cera. "Let me get this straight. A rock told you that you are Sailor Lunatic and that we are all members of the Sailor Whatsit team, destined to save the world from destruction and eeeeevil?"  
"Yes, that's right," responded Leigh, munching on her cheese stick.  
"Sounds like fun to me," said Crissy.  
"Not to me," announced Dee, nodding her head yes.  
"Well, there is obviously danger involved," added Kali.  
Triesta was concentrating on stabbing holes in her styrofoam lunch tray with a spork. "Oh, yeah, fun," she said.  
"I think we're all going to become great friends and grow closer through our adventures," said Leigh. "Well, to tell you the truth, Rok told me that…"  
The other girls stared at each other, all wearing a similar expression. They were having serious doubts to Rok's true ability to speak.  
Suddenly, Leigh's cheese stick grew scalding hot in her hand. "OUCH!" Leigh cried, throwing her cheese stick down. She stuck her burnt fingers in her mouth and sucked on them.  
"What's that Rok?" Leigh had Rok up to her ear again. "The Evil Cheese Men are coming? KING BARREL sent them? We have to transform into our Sailor Selves? HOW?"  
Six mechanical pencils then magically appeared on the table. These weren't ordinary mechanical pencils, however. They each had a symbol on the end where the eraser should have been, the symbol for each Whatsit.  
"Right then," Leigh said, grabbing her pencil. (It had an L on the end of it.) "Rok says we have to hold our pencil in the air and scream our special transformation words."  
The Whatsits looked at each other puzzled. They timidly took their pencil.  
"I'll start, u guys follow." Leigh then stood up, held her pencil high into the air and screamed, "LOON PENCIL POWER!" she immediately began spinning in the air. After an exaggerated period of time, her sailor suit appeared on her. The rest of the girls soon followed.  
"OBVIOUS PENCIL POWER—MAKE UP!" screamed Kali.  
"AIRHEAD PENCIL POWER—MAKE UP!" screamed Crissy.  
"CONTRADICTION PENCIL POWER—MAKE UP!" screamed Dee.  
"RANDOM PENCIL POWER—MAKE UP!" screamed Triesta.  
"CYNIC PENCIL POWER—MAKE UP!" screamed Cera.  
(No, of course there's no pattern here…) They each did their separate spinning transformations. When they were all finally done, they looked around at the rest of the cafeteria. Every male in the place was staring at them, their jaws scraping the floor. Loon could swear she heard one of them mutter, "This is better than play boy."  
"Maybe we should get curtains for next time…" suggested Obvious. All six of the Whatsits were now blushing furiously, extremely embarrassed. (For the record, Mamoo was still eating his crackers with out looking up.)  
They didn't have long to dwell on it, however. Soon after that, the lunch ladies threw off their feeble disguises and revealed themselves as being none other than the dun…dunn…dunnnnn EVIL CHEESE MEN!  
Everyone in the place gasped. "We are the Evil Cheese Men!" said the lead cheese. "And we have come to steal your bananas!"  
Everyone: "NO! NOT OUR BANANAS!!!"  
"Yes, your bananas!" the lead cheese confirmed, evilly. "King Barrel needs them for his extremely eeeeevil purposes!"  
"Not if we have anything to do with it!" shouted Sailor Lunatic. The cheese men looked at the Sailor Whatsits in surprise.  
Everyone in a monotone: Gasp. It's Sailor Lunatic and her team of Sailor Whatsits. They will save our bananas.  
The Sailor Whatsits walked up to the Evil Cheese Men confidently. Sailor Lunatic began her long boring tirade.  
"I am Sailor Lunatic! And we are the Sailor Whatsits! Blah, blah, blah stealing bananas is wrong blah, blah, blah. Ten minutes later she finished with, "Therefore, In the name of the Loon, I will punish you!"  
"Yeah!" shouted the Sailor Whatsits, and then added their two cents in. Cynic was just ending with "I don't think you are even real," when they were so rudely interrupted.  
"Enough talk! Stand aside and let us take the bananas, or we will destroy you," shouted the lead cheese.  
"NEVER!" screamed the Whatsits.  
The cheese men began striding towards them in a menacing way. The Whatsits were packed in a tight circle facing the Evil Cheese Men. Suddenly, Lunatic got a tingling sensation on her right wrist. She looked down and saw the LOON BRACELET! She took it off and held it in before her. She was then impelled to scream, "LOON BRACELET MAGIC!"  
Lunatic threw it at the nearest Cheese Man. He stood rooted on the spot, waiting for something horrible to happen, minutes passed by, nothing did.  
"Well that's just great! It doesn't work!" said Random.  
"A lot of good that does!" said Cynic.  
"Like what ever!" added Airhead. The others voiced similar opinions.  
"How was I supposed to know it wouldn't work?" grumbled Lunatic.  
Just when it was looking bad for the Sailor Whatsits, a boy screaming at the top of his lungs, having jumped on top of the table distracted the cheese men. It wasn't just any boy either; it was the clueless Mamoo! He was now wearing a powder blue tuxedo with flare pants legs and a matching top hat and cape. He was holding what looked like the stem of a rose, but in the place of the flower were three question marks.  
"I am TUXEDO ASK!" he shouted. "And I Want To Know What's Going On!"  
He threw his question mark flower thingy, intending to hit the lead cheese man with it. Instead, he tripped on his cape and fell off the table, which made his already poor aim worse. As he went crashing to the ground, his badly steered and highly dangerous question mark flower thingy went flying into the huddle of Sailor Whatsits.  
"AHHHHHHH!" they screamed, just before they were all knocked out cold.  
Tuxedo Ask picked himself up and marched over to the Evil Cheese Men, still clutching his crackers.  
"Tell me what's going on, or I'll… I'll… I'll do something you won't like!"  
The Cheese men took one look at Tuxedo Ask with his now askew top hat and cape, glanced at each other for a second, and then busted out laughing. This was a very odd sight indeed. Evil Cheese Men were rolling around on the floor laughing hysterically, Sailor Whatsits were lying in an unconscious heap on the ground, and Tuxedo Ask alone remained standing, looking very confused.  
The Cheese Men got over their laughing streak quickly and began closing in on Tuxedo Ask. In defense, he flung his arms out to protect himself, simultaneously loosing grip on half of his crackers, which went flying out of his hand and slammed into the Evil Cheese Men. They backed off howling in severe pain.  
"NOT CRACKERS!" they howled.  
"NOT MY CRACKERS!" shouted Tuxedo Ask, dismayed at the loss of his food.  
Now, the Sailor Whatsits were beginning to stir. By the time the Evil Cheese Men regained the strength taken from them by the crackers, the Sailor Whatsits were standing.  
"You're Going Down, Cheese Scum!" they shouted.  
"We're going to make some solid shredded cheese outta you!" added Contradiction.  
Conveniently, there were six cheese men and six Whatsits. Each of them took on a cheese man.  
Sailor Lunatic closed in on the lead cheese man. She stood in what she believed to be a menacing stance. Loon then screamed, "LUNATIC INSANITY BLAST!!!!" She began spinning around again, and when she was finally done, a strong beam of glittering light shot out from her out stretched hands and hit the cheese man dead on. The light surrounded the cheese man, and then he began to melt until he was nothing but a puddle of melted cheese on the floor.  
The other sailors were doing their attacks.  
"WHAT EVER EARTH QUAKE!" screamed Airhead.  
"ICY FLAMES SURROUND!" screamed Contradiction.  
"SAILOR OBVIOUS ATTACK!" screamed Obvious.  
"RANDOM ELEMENTAL BLAST!" screamed Random  
"SAILOR CYNIC ATTACK!" screamed Cynic.  
They each melted their cheese man. There were piles of melted cheese everywhere.  
"Hey! This cheese got on my spiffy boots!" complained Airhead. But the Whatsits had bigger things to worry about then cheesy boots. The piles of melted cheese began to move. Much to everyone's horror, they began to run together to form the…GIANT EVIL CHEESE MAN!!  
"I think I know what to do," said Lunatic  
"That would be a first," replied Obvious. (Leigh ignored her.)  
Lunatic stretched her hands to the ceiling and became covered in a glowing light. The other Whatsits looked on in amazement. Especially Airhead who was staring at Loon with a mesmerized look on her face, but that was to be expected when she was in the presence of something shiny.  
Then, an object covered in light appeared in Loon's hands. "The Loon Stick!" shouted Lunatic. And indeed, it was The Loon Stick.  
"Tuxedo Ask! Give me your crackers!" demanded Loon as she grabbed them out of his hands. "Hey!" he protested. Lunatic took the crackers and zapped them with her Loon Stick. It formed one giant cracker! Lunatic took the cracker in her hands and hurled it at the Giant Cheese Man, who was conveniently standing perfectly still. The giant cracker paralyzed the Giant Cheese Man. Lunatic held her Loon Stick in front of her and pointed it at the cheese man.  
"In the name of the Loon, you are punished!" The Giant Cheese Man then exploded, covering the whole cafeteria in cheese.  
All of the Whatsits gave Loon a high five. "WoOt!" she agreed happily. "WoOt!" they all chorused.  
"We did it guys!" said Obvious.  
"Yeah, we rock!" said Random. "But how do we turn ourselves back…"  
~*~*~*~  
The Sailor Whatsits were all sitting on a bench outside the school after detention.  
"How do you like that. We save the world's supply of bananas and we get detention just because it was a little messy," grumbled Dee.  
"That bites," agreed Triesta.  
"What's that Rok?" asked Leigh holding Rok up to her ear. "There's more trouble to come? Can it wait till tomorrow? We're kinda tired. Okay, good."  
"What did Rok say?" asked Cera.  
"He said there's more trouble, but it can wait till tomorrow," replied Leigh.  
"How considerate," responded Kali.  
"Tomorrow's Saturday. You guys wanna meet at my house? I'm sure Rok will have more to tell us," suggested Leigh.  
"Sounds cool to me," replied Crissy in her usually abnormally happy tone. The others voiced their agreement.  
"Cool. Till tomorrow then, guys!" said Leigh.  
"Later!" they said as everyone headed towards home. After all, it isn't every day you defeat the Evil Cheese Men and save the world's supply of bananas.  
  
Okay, so there you have it. To find out what happens next, and to see all our really cool stuff, go here: http://www.angelfire.com/SailorLunatic/Indexpage.htm And please, please sign my guest book. It makes me feel special. ^.~   
  
  
  
  
  



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